Brown Paper Bags to Belgian Canvas

Rediscovering My Creative Spark

Can I tell you a secret? When I decided to dive back into painting after a long break (we’re talking years since I’d last squeezed out a tube of paint), I found myself paralyzed at the thought of using a canvas. I had this small stack of canvas boards stashed away, but I just couldn’t bring myself to use them. I was overwhelmed with anxiety about my skills (or lack thereof) and terrified of “wasting” good materials on what might turn out to be less-than-perfect experiments.

But the itch to create became too strong to ignore.

I thought to myself, “Okay, if my work isn’t quite ready for a canvas, what else can I use?” As I rummaged through the kitchen, I stumbled upon our “bag of bags”—that trusty stash of old paper grocery bags we’ve kept for who knows what reason!

Did you ever use old grocery bags as textbook covers when you were in school? My family did, and I would doodle all over them throughout the year. It felt like a little light bulb went off in my head. “Perfect!” I thought. So, those humble brown paper bags became my canvas.

I dug out a box of ancient acrylic paints and even older brushes, and set up shop at my kitchen counter. The moment I started painting, I felt a huge wave of relief and joy. (Even writing this I have a big smile on my face!) By removing the pressure to create something “worthy” of expensive materials, I gave myself the freedom to play, to be messy, to be imperfect. And I found it so liberating!

I’m slowly getting over those anxieties. Even now, years into my return to painting, I have to remind myself that if I don’t like what I’m painting I can just…keep painting until I do like it! 

This work is truly for me. I’m thrilled to share it with you, but at its core, it’s for my own heart.

Another little confession: this tendency doesn’t just apply to my creative endeavors! I’m also guilty of saving “nice” things—fancy soap for guests, special clothes or makeup for special occasions, craft supplies for that elusive “perfect” project that may never come. Why do I think I’m not a good enough reason to use these things?

If you ever find yourself saving things, hiding them away from yourself, consider this your sign to indulge and invest in yourself. You deserve all the wonderful, fine things you’d offer to others. And while there’s nothing wrong with the brown paper bags of life—I still use those too—you absolutely deserve a touch of luxurious Belgian canvas every now and then. I hope you can receive that.